Thursday's Oprah is all about love and a "miracle dog." No more Suze Orman and her Geraldine Ferraro power bob, thank God. The only thing on Oprah's mind is people telling people they love them. A nice easy one for Valentine's Day. At least I think so.
First, somebody's husband is a big Patti LaBelle fan, and the wife wants Oprah to arrange for him to duet with the original Lady Marmalade. This ought throw this guy for a loop, right? But the guy didn't seem suprised at all. Patti LaBelle materializes in a splashy red dress in the middle of your song and starts outsinging you. Wouldn't that stop you in your tracks? Not this guy. He acted like it's the most normal thing. But then I guess if he's a real Patti LaBelle fan, he knows Patti LaBelle upstaging people is the most normal thing.
Next Oprah says anybody can be your Valentine, even your grandma. I'm sorry, but that's going to be cold comfort to a lot of single gals.
The next "I love you" suprise was about a guy who tried to raise money to ask his girlfriend to marry him via a SuperBowl commercial. Why do guys think women want the most personal moments in their lives to take place at football games? My 8th grader is a huge football fan, even did his big research paper on the history of the SuperBowl. HE might want to be proposed to the SuperBowl, but I don't know any adult women who would. Anyway, the guy who wanted the SuperBowl spot couldn't get the money together, so he made a cheapie commercial and had it air during "Veronica Mars." He taped his fiancee's reaction and the she made noises like a mental patient. Not pretty.
In fact, except for bit about the sweetheart doggie who was loved back to life by his family, this whole show is about taking our unsuspecting loved ones and startling the crap out of them. Personally, I'm against this. I'm too jumpy. I'd interpret any of these loving surprises as hostile and awful. My husband hates surprises, too. So do my parents. We're all too controlling for surprises. Thankfully my husband knows this, so for Valentine's Day he gave me a copy of "A New Earth," the book on which Oprah's 10-week, worldwide interactive class will be based. The class -- or party, as Oprah calls it -- was actually promo'ed on the Valentine's show. Still not sure this is gonna be a party, though. The subtitle is "Awakening Your Life's Purpose." What if my life's purpose is to be a clerk-typist or a carpet installer? Then it won't be much of a party for me, will it?
Lastly, I have to say I'm so jealous of the guy who got Oprah's wrong-number call in the 80s and ended up chatting with her for 15 minutes. Even though Oprah didn't remember talking to the guy, I'm almost more jealous of him than I am of Gayle.
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